Rest in pieces

29 11 2007

They’ve thought of something new to do to with Dead Abraham Lincoln: give him aNOTHER check up, this time for cancer. And the dead 16th president of the United States is once again out of luck: he’s been diagnosed with a rare form of cancer that might have killed him in six months if only he’d lived to die of it.

HISTORIANS DON’T PLAY WITH THEIR FOOD
plan “b” naturally has two questions. The more pressing one is why the heck do people enjoy playing with Dead Abe? In recent years he’s been susplected of syphyllis, clinical depression (his fault for having sad eyes) or potentially “gay.” There must be SOMEthing, the inquisitors imply. The latest investigator, a California heart doc says rare cancer and has made his case at Johns Hopkins Hospital (Chicago Tribune, Nov. 29). His deduction comes from peering into Lincoln’s hand and face plaster casts among other things but he’d love to get his hands on some bona fide Lincoln brain and blood bits for a right and proper DNA test.

AUTOPSICAL REVISIONISM
The second question is the usual so what? So what Abe may have had a cancer that might have etc. etc. What’s the heart doctor’s point? plan “b” wonders if this might be a clever scheme to knock John Wilke’s Boothe assassination down historically to a Category C Pre-emptive Mercy Killing.

If that is the point of the latest historic “autopsy” of Lincoln, is it an off-beat holiday attempt to lower the level of 19th century violence? Just in time for Peace on Earth/HO HO HO time?

MYSTERIOUSLY, SERIOUSLY TALL PRESIDENTS
But, seriously, plan “b” wonders about this morbid fascination with Lincoln. When “why was he so tall” becomes a real forensico-historical-hilarico question, what is going on?

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One response

30 11 2007
dotgo

how do you do it?

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