To simplify, EU+UK=EUK (say yuk)

20 12 2007

Brits hate to be betwixt and between a full set of colonies.  To remedy the discomfort they’ve finally decided to accept the European continent…and own it.  Just now they are doing it through the structures of the European Union.

The latest volley of anti-French EUK PR is a transparently Brit bit of mischief within the EU to dismantle (French) agricultural subsidies, beginning, coincidentally, with another big chop at the plus belle partie of French ag(riculture), its wine industry.  The anti-French ag campaign is determined to eliminate quirkily ornate and geo-centric (la vigne oblige) French wine labels.  

EUK denounces the evil of “…fancy [wine] labels designating tiny plots in faraway places and arcane production methods…” Now, according to EUK “…simplicity is the new order of the day.” Local is “arcane” (trans. despicable, counterproductive, elitist, fill in the blank with something bad). Global is “simplicity” (trans. egalitarian as in South African wine equals French wine).

The EUK arguments against French wine makers are these familiar refrains
1) the French wine industry in particular is “burdened by overproduction” (translation, too many little independent producers doing as they please and getting paid for it)
2) more often than not the subsidized winemakers flooding the market with their sour “plonk” and
3) not even the French want French wine any more, prefering wines from any other place in the world.
These three little tunes are repeated in most of the wine stories these days so the modern reader assumes they must be true.

The latest Brit attempt to relieve itself on the French appeared in the December 20 Chicago Tribune. The reporter showed an unashamed and undeclared pro-English bias in a description of an old Brit campaign against the French that now calls itself “European.” The new twist of ordering zippy new generic wine labels for all European wine is just the latest face of the English attempt to eliminate French resistance to global agriculture and the world financial markets of genetically modified food.

The stated and unstated purposes of forcing a new wine graphic is to obliterate all traces of the specific provenance of French wine. With censorship of place, imposition of a generic wine label, EUK simply removes one of the strongest reasons to prefer a French bottle over say, one from Basingstoke-on-Underwear. Like many truly brilliant tactics, it is loaded with a number of contradictions that most people will be too polite to mention.

For one, European Union spokesmen justify the design diktat as a policy that would help make French wine more competitive in a growing global wine environment of new producers and huge new markets (India, China). The new diktat labels eliminate the significant historical advantage that French wines had over newer producers.

For another, EU spokesmen who are actually paid to promote European economies are eager to promote the chances of South African or Chilean winemakers in any new wine megamarkets that might love the ease of the screw top and the new Wines-R-Us wine label stylings.  

To plan “b’s” heightened sense of smell that’s an overpowering whiff of bad cork and a thinly disguised UK attempt to KO la Belle across the channel.

plan “b” is well aware that life has not been easy for England. After all, she lost her colonies but kept the colonial subjects. For the past half century many have shown up on the doorstep of their former oppressor in numbers sufficiently massive and vigorous to give that old Imperial Dame a right ruddy make-over.

Never mind that immigrant food is better than the enshrined British national dish of peas and potatoes on toast with gravy. Never mind that African and Asian writers living and dead are infiltrating the canon of English lit-ra-chure. Never mind that the Church of England has to move over and let the new gods in town help “save the queen.” Brits are understandably flummoxed by these unintended consequences of empire.

But plan “b” says that’s no reason to take it out on the French who, by the way, are trying to evolve through their own set of colonial secondary side effects.

But to be fair, EUK is right from the perspective of the smooth running of Global Finance. Through all of those sweaty, toiling years of colonial exploitation, the British Empire yearned for the kind of air-conditioned “Simplicity” that is the “new order of the day” (see Tribune article).

Through their proxy of the European Union the British are so near to the payoff for 1776= Adam Smith’s book launch +independence from the American colonies, a financial drain and bunch of whiners as George III told anyone who would listen. In those days the English idea of Sweet “Simplicity” was India.

To return to our now time, EUK globalists have some tidying up to do and the old French wine labels are a messy part of it. “Tiny plots in faraway places” must be stricken from the record, first the label, then the shop shelf, the palate and then very very quickly, memory. Certainly the cost effective plastic cork, or even better, screw top, will help speed “simplification.” “Terroir” the grand French word/idea for something so local you can taste it, will fall off the dictionary.

EUK should take a leaf from the French and do next what the French had the foresight to do in the 17th century. There was a new kind of king in those days and Richelieu commissioned a French language to go with it. It was his official dictionary with the greatly reduced, newly official and “chastized” French language. That dictionary put people on guard. No artist would be subsidized for using anything but the language of the royal court.

Global Money (EUK) needs a new dictionary. “Simplicity” gets funding; “Fancy” (local) and “Arcane” (local) won’t. If the people want “local”, let them eat terroir, let them eat dirt.




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